Midweek parody

For your consideration: a Statist Declaration of Dependence

We hold these truths to be politically correct:

That all people must be materially equal

That they are enabled by government with rights

That among these are the right never to be offended, never to be called objectively wrong, and never to be denied something they really, really, really want

That to enforce this material and social equality, government must sometimes curtail the rights of the politically incorrect, deriving its righteous power by virtue of convenient interpretations of the Constitution

That government has the right to be injurious of individual Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness in order to pursue a “higher social good."

I think I prefer the original document, myself...