Fun with the Bard

Today is Shakespeare's birthday--as well as the anniversary of his death:

According to tradition, the great English dramatist and poet William Shakespeare is born in Stratford-on-Avon on April 23, 1564. It is impossible to be certain the exact day on which he was born, but church records show that he was baptized on April 26, and three days was a customary amount of time to wait before baptizing a newborn. Shakespeare's date of death is conclusively known, however: it was April 23, 1616. He was 52 years old and had retired to Stratford three years before.

Given the multiplicity of targets today worthy of his edged pen, I present a way to put this Monday to good effect.